a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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