If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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