I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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