we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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