I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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