I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
