Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think my vagina is haunted
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When are your genitals available?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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