i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
