The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
