I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize