Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
