chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
