fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
