Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
