The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
