How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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