I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
