I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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