The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
