dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
