:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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