I wish I only lived at night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
