just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
