remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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