Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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