Did you just see the Batmobile???
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
being pregnant is like rehab
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
