And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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