I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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