I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She told me I should be a condom model.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
