JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
