trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
