How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize