im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
