I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
