she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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