Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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