she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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