I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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