school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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