birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...