The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
