My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.