its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
