I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.