it was like his penis was on wheels.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
