You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
