I should be sponsored by Trojan
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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