My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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