Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
