i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
