i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
