OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
