I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
