I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
