I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
