your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
