I'm going to rape someone's good day.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
