I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
