This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
