pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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