So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
