I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
