He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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