they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
