we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She bit a glass in half.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
