Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
