her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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