On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
