Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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