You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
