I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
