i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
