turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Too much gin, very little bucket
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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