Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
