I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
