You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
